Saying Goodbye

I promised to write another post on the sad part of Christmas so here goes. Like I said before, Avery and I went to Wichita Falls on the 19th for Christmas with my family. The plan was to come back on the 23rd to spend actual Christmas with Rustin's family.

Whenever I go to WF I feel like there are so many things I want to do and never enough time. There are a few people I always want to see, and my mom, my grandma and I usually have a few things we like to do together such as lunch at Samurai. This trip we also planned on looking at Christmas lights one night and taking Avery to the mall to see Santa. I felt like every second was already planned, but I wanted to go see my grandad in the hospital.

He had been in bad health for a while, and had been in the hospital many times before but was always fine and came back home. I guess because of that I thought he would be fine this time. He was in the hospital because he had an infection where he got his hip replaced. While there, they also found out he had lung cancer. Of course I knew that was bad, but from what my mom told me it seemed like the doctors weren't too concerned about the cancer. They said they had to treat the infection first before they could start on the cancer. I also never found out what stage it was or anything so I thought maybe it wasn't that bad. I also thought the infection wasn't that bad. I guess when I hear the word "infection" I don't think it's that serious. I mean it's not like we're on a Civil War battlefield. Usually you just take antibiotics and it's cleared up. Well because of my hectic schedule, and also because I really didn't think he was in as bad of shape as he was, I didn't plan to go see him until Wed. or Thurs. He passed away Tues. night. I am still mad at myself and struggling with guilt knowing that I was there most of the day Mon. and all day Tues. and didn't go up there. That it wasn't "high enough" on my to-do list. But that is just something I have to give to the Lord.

Tuesday night I was changing Avery when the phone rang. I didn't pay much attention then I heard a loud noise. I realized it was my mom crying. I knew it was about my grandad. She couldn't really talk except to say she was leaving and I could come. I loaded up Avery (she refused to go to bed till super late anyway) and followed her to my grandma's house. We met my aunt, cousin and grandma there and all went up to the hospital. I called Rustin on the way there and asked him to pray and told him I wasn't sure if my grandad had died or if they called and just told them it was getting close. I think I was in denial. I knew. Avery cried the whole way up there, which made things that much more stressful. I prayed that she would just stop crying long enough for me to spend time with my family at the hospital. God answered that prayer. I put her in the stroller (that thankfully Sarah let me borrow) and went in with the rest of my family to see my grandad lying in the hospital bed. It didn't seem real. I had seen him laying like that sleeping so many times that I felt like that was what he was doing. I was glad I had Avery there to sort of distract me because it was really hard. It was also just as hard to see my family in so much pain.

The next few days were very busy. Tues. we went to the funeral home to make the arrangements. Wed. we met with the pastor who was doing the funeral. We told him a story my grandad always liked to retell about me. I don't remember this but when I was younger he called and wanted to talk to me on the phone but I said "I'm eating a peanut!" Apparently eating a peanut was very important. He mentioned that at the funeral, which I thought was really nice. Thurs. was the visitation. Sometimes when things happen and I send flowers or go pay my respects I wonder if the people really care. I mean they have tons of other people doing stuff, but I can say from personal experience - it matters. I know my family appreciated the friends who came and the ones who sent flowers and cards.

The funeral was Fri. and needless to say I was not looking forward to it. I had several friends help me out which meant more to me than they know. Vanessa opened up her closet and let me borrow dresses, tights and boots. Since I wasn't planning on going to a funeral, I didn't bring anything nice. Then Jana and her mom watched Avery for me. I knew if I brought her, I wouldn't really be able to pay attention because I would be worried about her, and I would more than likely have to step out because she would cry. I didn't know what to do since this was the first time ALL of my family was busy. So I was so thankful they offered to do that. Jana even sent me pics of her reading a little book while they were watching her :) My dad also watched Avery a lot that week while I did stuff with my family. Rustin came into town that day to support me, and also because he was one of the pall bearers.

Even though it was sad, it was a nice service. Then we went out to Crestview for the graveside. I would give anything if I would have taken a picture of this, but it was a  dreary, windy, cold day and as we drove up to the grave, I looked behind me. All the pall bearers were carrying the casket up a small hill with the gray sky behind them. I'll always have that picture in my mind. The flowers on the casket were beautiful, and when we went out there a few days later, they were on the grave and still looked perfect.

After this happened, I just really felt like my family needed me at Christmas. And I needed them. Rustin and his family understood and I stayed in WF. My grandparents' 56th anniversary would have been Dec. 30 so I wanted to stay at least until then to spend time with my grandma that day. I can only imagine how hard this is for her.

Like I said earlier, my grandad had been in bad health for a while and I remember praying that he would be able to make it to my wedding. Not only did he do that, but he also got to meet Avery. That means so much to me. I still remember him holding her the day he met her. He said something like "I'm holding hands with this little girl." I looked and he had her little hand in his.

Things like this are never easy, but I'm thankful that it's not the end. They were going to run more tests on him on Wed. but instead of more pain, Jesus decided He wanted my grandad home with Him, and I'm thankful I will see him there one day.

Avery's First Christmas

I'm not sure where to even start with this Christmas. It was wonderful because it's the first one I got to spend with my little girl. I didn't find out I was pregnant with her until early January, so last year at Christmas I was praying so hard for her. Now I am so blessed and happy she is here. But it was also an incredibly sad Christmas because my Grandad passed away on the 20th. I think it would just be too hard to try to write one post and combine such opposing emotions, so for this post I am just going to focus on the good parts of this Christmas and write a separate post about my Grandad later.

Avery started off the holidays with a new trick - the night before we left for Wichita Falls (the 18th) she rolled over for the first time! I thought it might be a fluke so I put her back on her tummy to see if she'd do it again and she did, but she hasn't done it since, so I'm not sure what to make of that. I guess she'll do it again when she's ready.

Avery and I left for Wichita Falls on Dec. 19. I was going to spend the week before Christmas with my family since it was Rustin's parents' turn to get us for Christmas this year. I had a hair appointment scheduled on the 20th to dye my hair back to its natural color, and much to my surprise (and I think everyone else's) I actually went through with it... and even like it! I just wanted a change and since my hair is so dark naturally, I felt like I had noticeable roots two weeks after getting my hair highlighted. Plus, it's expensive! Here is a picture of the new look...

We tried to do a photo shoot of Avery in her "First Christmas" outfit my grandma gave her but it didn't go too well because she wouldn't look at the camera and kept making faces like this...



And this...

Also the outfit was very close to being too small, and to make matters worse (or more funny) she kept grabbing her shirt and lifting it up to reveal her poochy little tummy.

We went over to my grandma's and had Christmas lunch and decided to take a few more pictures of Avery with the family.



After lunch we came home and opened presents. I think Avery got the most! She even got a cute little dress all the way from Virginia from Aunt Holly and Uncle Greg!

My grandma and aunt came by a lot that week to visit with Avery and she liked chatting with them. Here is a picture of her doing what she loves - holding her hands and laughing.

I'll end with an update on Avery's sleep habits (my main concern). She is still doing the same thing - only taking 20 minute naps during the day and not going to sleep until around 10 at night. I've tried everything to get her to nap longer and go to bed earlier and nothing works. I guess the only thing I haven't tried is cry it out. I just don't know if I can do it. Part of me thinks that it would be cruel to let her cry like that, but then the other part of me knows that sometimes as a parent you have to do hard things for the benefit of your child. I want her to have healthy sleep habits and for our whole family to be rested, but how? I think I've driven myself crazy reading all the books and their opposing points of view and still feel just as lost. If any moms have any advice on what they did to sleep train their babies, I would love to hear it. I want to do what is best for her, but I just don't know what that is. But I do know that what I'm doing right now is not working and she's not sleeping enough.

Thanksgiving & Avery 3 Months

I can't believe it - Avery turned three months old on Dec. 7. She is getting so funny and showing her little personality. She has discovered her hands and just loves them. When she catches them in her line of sight, she gets very excited. She also loves it when they accidentally make it into her mouth. She used to only suck on her hands when she was hungry but now she does it for fun!

She's going to hate me for talking about this when she's older (and this may be TMI) but when she goes to the bathroom, it is SO loud! That is what usually wakes me up in the morning on the monitor. Seriously sometimes when Rustin's holding her, I ask if that was her or him. We took her to home group the other night for the first time and it was a real quiet, serious part and she started in. No one dared look. I'm sure they thought it was an adult and were embarassed for them.

Anyway here is her little 3 month picture. The colors don't really go, but she just had to wear her Christmas bow!

We haven't really done much this month. We're still trying to figure out this whole "life with a baby" thing, but we did go to Wichita Falls for Thanksgiving. We switch back and forth between my parents and Rustin's parents for holidays. We had a lot of fun seeing my family and Avery finally got to meet her Uncle Colby...

She also got to meet her cousin. Well I guess he's her cousin...or maybe second cousin? Anyway she got to meet Jayric - my cousin Kenzie's little boy. I don't have the picture but my grandma really wanted a picture of her with both of them, and they both were screaming crying haha!

We also did Take 2 of the four generations picture. None of us liked the other one, and I still looked pregnant. Although we can always find something wrong with pictures, we all approved of this one.

And we had to get a family picture...

My worry this month has been Avery's sleep schedule (or lack thereof). I have worn myself out researching sleep strategies. Right now, we have a routine, but just no schedule. I think it's hard for people who don't have a colicky baby to understand how much harder it is. I really have to put her down for a nap within two hours of being awake or she gets overtired and then it's a mess. Because of that, it's really hard for me to take her anywhere. Even though I put her down for naps a lot, she doesn't stay asleep long so I hardly have any time during the day to get anything done (including brushing my teeth and eating). I shouldn't complain because she sleeps through the night, she just doesn't sleep much at all during the day. Thankfully Rustin's parents live here now and his sweet mom watches her a lot for me. We take turns with them on Sundays going to church. My mom also comes down for several days at least once a month, which is a huge help too. 

This is sometimes how we nap. Some of the books say not to, but I don't care! There will come a day when she will be too big to nap with her mommy. 

Hopefully I will update again before another month goes by!

Avery's Two Month Check Up

Avery had her two month check up yesterday. It was supposed to be last week, but something was messed up with the insurance. Apparently they were having trouble with the new social security numbers. So I had driven all the way up there and had to go back home. It took several calls between Rustin's HR department and our insurance to get it all straightened out. 

I have hesitated to say that she has colic. I feel like people sort of throw that word around any time a baby is crying. I think there is a difference between normal baby fussiness and colic, but since talking to the pediatrician I do really think she has colic. Luckily it's supposed to end at 3 months. Avery was fine at the beginning of the check up and then just started screaming. I turned on the white noise and she got totally quiet. The pediatrician thought that was funny! Everything seemed to be fine with her. She now weighs 10 pounds 9 ounces and is 1 feet 11.5 inches tall. And her percentiles were: height - 95th, weight - 45th, head circumference - 25th. I don't know where she gets it, but for now it's looking like she'll be tall! 

Next came her shots which were really sad, but she handled them better than I expected. After it was over I took her back in the room and got her dressed and put her in the car seat with white noise and she stopped crying. I was expecting her to cry for a while. I kept the white noise going as I went to the waiting room to check out and everyone was looking at me haha. I wanted to say- look people, it's either this sound or a baby crying -take your pick. 

They warned me she might be fussy afterwards so I was preparing myself, but she ended up being really sleepy. I put her in her swing (that is the only place she'll sleep right now) when I saw she was drowsy. Well she kept making noises on the monitor so I went in there to check on her. When she saw me, she smiled so big! It melted my heart and I felt so bad for her for getting those shots, so I took her in my room and lied down with her in my bed. She slept for about 2-3 hours. After that she had a really fussy time. It was the loudest I've ever heard her cry and we couldn't get her to stop. Finally after about an hour, Rustin and I took turns bouncing her and she got sleepy and slept in her swing. She woke up at about 10pm and went back to sleep at 10:45 and slept until 8am! It's nice when she sleeps so long, but I can't ever enjoy it because I'm always worried about her! I woke up at 5am scared and wondering if she was ok. 

Anyway I'm glad that's over for now! 

Baby Stuff I Can't Live Without

To say I was clueless about babies before having one would be an understatement. I remember going to register and looking at the wall of a thousand pacifiers, having no idea what the difference was or which one to get, and wanting to cry. My friends who live here don't have babies, and my few friends who do have babies live in other towns. So I resorted to harassing them with emails and texts. Thankfully, they didn't mind and helped me out more than they will ever know. I hope I'm not forgetting anyone but Sarah, Kathryn, Laura and Vanessa were great about answering my questions. And Sarah deserves a huge thank you because I'm pretty sure I harassed her the most (and still do!).

But I realized a lot of times when I asked them things, they couldn't remember because it was all a blur. I'm assuming that's how I'll be months from now, so I wanted to document all the things that I found helpful so hopefully they can help someone else. I would have LOVED it if any of my friends had a blog post like this. For me, I like buying things when I personally know someone who used it and liked it. So it will be worth it if one person finds this helpful.

First a few disclaimers: 1) If you are a woman who is not planning on having kids (or are done having kids) or if you are any guy, you will probably find this post extremely boring. Feel free to stop reading.
2) Each baby is different and I'm sure you can find another mom who will say that what I'm recommending didn't work for her. It may not work for you and your baby. I am only sharing what worked for me.
3) Most of these things were told to me by Sarah, so she deserves the credit!

Ok here goes...

1) Getting pregnant - If you are serious about getting pregnant, I highly recommend ovulation test strips. I won't say any more so it won't be TMI, but just get them. In the store, they are sort of expensive, but you can get a pack of 40 along with 10 pregnancy tests for cheap on amazon.


2) My #1 recommendation for pregnant ladies is to read baby books. I think you get so caught up in the pregnancy (I did) that you just want to read books about that. But the thing with being pregnant is, it's going to take its course and as long as you know the basics - no drugs or raw stuff - you're going to be ok. When you're going to need help is when this new little human is crying louder than you thought possible and you can't make her stop. Trust me, in that moment, you won't have time to read a book on how to calm your baby. This book seriously changed my life - and I'm not being dramatic. I was so thankful I had already read it and had tools to calm my baby BEFORE I got into the situation.


If you don't have time to read the book, there is also a video -


The author's (who is a pediatrician to the stars) main point is the 5 S's - swaddling, side, swinging, sucking, shhhhing. I won't go into all of them (seriously - just read the book) but "shhhhing" is basically white noise. He says new babies like this because it mimics the womb. You can go buy a sleep machine, but I downloaded a 99 cent white noise track off iTunes. I edited it to cut off 30 seconds before the end (so there's no silent gap or winding down), put it on repeat on an old iPod with speakers and put it by her wherever she is. If I'm out, I also have the song on my iPhone and can play it. I wish I had a video to show, but she can be crying so loud and the second I put on the white noise, she stops. She also sleeps with the white noise.


3) Another book I found very helpful is this one -

It breaks it into sections and tells you what to expect as far as sleep goes at each stage. The best advice this book gave me is that babies don't need to be awake for more than two hours at one time or they get overtired. Before I read that, I would let Avery stay awake until she got unhappy. I figured if she was happy, why move her? Well by the time she started fussing, she was already overtired and it was too late. I spent the first month doing nothing all day but soothing her and she would maybe take two 15 minute naps. After I read the book, I started soothing her (swaddling, rocking, quiet room, etc.) after only an hour of being awake (or the second she started showing any drowsy signs like yawning). After I did that, she started taking at least two 3-hour naps a day along with several other one hour naps, and she was still sleeping through the night. Since I've started doing this, I feel like she is a new baby.

4) Swinging. I know some people don't want their babies getting "addicted" to a swing. The first thing I would say is that I don't believe newborns can be spoiled. But at the same time, not all babies need a swing. For me, it was a life saver. We bought this swing -


It works great, but if I had to do it again I would buy the below swing because it plugs in. It is more expensive, but when you have to buy four D batteries all the time, it adds up.


5) Swaddling- Rustin and I are both swaddle impaired and could never figure out how to swaddle with a blanket. We bought the Swaddle Me brand and they were good and easy to use, but she broke out of them pretty easy when she got a little older. A friend of mine told me about the Miracle Blanket. It's more complicated to put on than Swaddle Me, but she NEVER breaks out of it. Plus, there's no noisy velcro, so if I need to tighten it, I just give it a tug and it doesn't wake her up.


6) Amazon is your best friend. Create a registry on amazon, even if you don't tell anyone about it. That's what I did. I registered for most of my big ticket items because I knew I wasn't going to get everything on my other registries. After my shower, I bought the items I still needed from my amazon registry. The items were cheaper because well, it's amazon, and I also got a discount for completing my registry. Because I bought so much, I am now eligible for prime shipping until June, which is free two day shipping.

7) Cheap diapers - Become an amazon mom! Just go to www.amazon.com/mom and you will find info on their subscribe and save program. Basically you sign up to receive diapers (and I get wipes too) shipped to you. Pampers are about the same price as the generic brand at Wal Mart. You have to have a subscription so they can send it to you each month, but you can always skip deliveries (or add deliveries) and change the quantity and size whenever you want. It's great not only because I save money,  but I also don't have to lug around a huge box of diapers whenever I go to the store. And shipping is free.

8) My Brest Friend - I LOVE this! I use it every time I feed her. I was torn between this and the Boppy and asked the nurse who led the breastfeeding class. Without hesitation she recommended this. It velcroes, so it stays up where you need it, and it's adjustable so it will fit when you come home from the hospital still looking 6 months pregnant, as well as the later months when your belly has gone down.


The things above, I am really passionate about and would highly recommend them. The things below are just what I ended up getting. Something else is probably just fine, but I am happy with these.

9) Car seat - Rustin and I have a subscription to Consumer Reports and we got the highest safety rated infant car seat on there - the Chicco KeyFit. When we were taking Avery home from the hospital, the nurses were very happy we had a Chicco. They said that is the best brand for small babies. I can't find a link to the exact one we got, which was the "Blocks" color scheme, but it's the model below.


10) Stroller - I got a Snap n Go stroller and have been very happy with it. I haven't tried the travel system, so that might be fine too. But I have seen friends' travel systems and they seem much bulkier.


11) I feel like the people at Baby Einstein are baby geniuses. Everything I've gotten from them, she loves. Sarah actually let me borrow this.


I also got this at my shower from a friend who said her baby loved it. Well Avery does too. It sort of puts her in a trance!


12) Video Monitor - this sounds sort of excessive, but I'm so glad I got it. It just gives you so much peace of mind when you can see the baby. And I know it will help when she gets older and doesn't want to take a nap for me to know whether she's just protest crying or if something is really wrong. I'm not going to recommend a certain one because I don't like mine and haven't tried any others. The brand I have is Summer Infant. It makes a loud cracking noise. When I called them about it, they were nice and sent me a brand new unit, but it does the same thing.

13) If you are breastfeeding, you NEED these! I think I might have given up on it if I didn't have these the first few weeks. When you put them on, you breathe a sigh of relief!


14) Breast Pump - I couldn't live without mine! The nurse at the breastfeeding class told us this was the best one, and I have been very happy with it.


15) Pacifiers. That's one of those things I didn't really want her having for a little while. (I'm going to do another blog post on things I said I would never do, and now I do them all the time!) Yes, I finally chose a pacifier without wanting to cry! We have cute ones like Texas Tech and pink rhinestones, but this is the only one she will take.


16) Clothes - Ok tons of people told me this, and I didn't listen. It's just so hard when you see all the super cute clothes to not buy them! But it's true what they say - they grow super fast so don't waste your money on tons of clothes. I made the mistake of buying a lot of cute outfits for her newborn pictures. Well when she was born at only 5 pounds, she didn't fit into ANY of them, so that was a waste. Then I had all these other cute newborn size outfits, but while she was that size, I was completely exhausted and didn't care if she was cute. I just wanted something comfortable that was easy to get on and off... every two hours. Now she's two months and 3 month sizes are barely fitting her. I have a whole bag of clothes she's already outgrown. So try to resist and save your money for when she/he is older and you're getting out more. But even then remember they may only wear it once or twice so don't buy expensive stuff!

Ok that's my two cents so far after two months. Hopefully someone will find it helpful. To all my friends - if you have any questions please feel free to call me. I am so thankful for my friends who have helped me, and I want to "pay it forward" :)

Keeping Up

I find it ironic that I created this blog to keep everyone updated on Avery, but since she's been born I haven't had any time to blog! I'm hoping to have a little more time when she's a little older and on a better schedule. I really want to keep up with it because I want to be able to look back on what was going on during each of her stages. I also want it to be something for her to read when she's older.  

She turned two months old on the 7th. I bought stickers off Etsy for each month and you just stick them on a onesie. I wrongly assumed I could use the same onesie that I used for her one month pictures. There was no way I was getting it buttoned! I figured I'd just put it on since I didn't have time to go get a new one and crop the picture. Here is a picture that shows how small it was.

And here is the cropped picture, which looks much better :) Guess I'll have to go shopping before she turns 3 months!

She has started sleeping through the night most nights (11pm-6am) which is wonderful! She also started smiling and has found her tongue. She sticks it out and also puts it behind her bottom lip. When she does, she looks like Bubba on Forrest Gump haha. 

At 6-7 weeks she started getting really fussy. I went to Wichita Falls during that time which was good since I had help, but was also stressful. She cried in the car most of the way there and back. I wanted to see a lot of people, but it was so hard to leave her. But my grandma, aunt and cousin all came over to see her. Sandy also came to meet her, and I got to see all three of her kiddos. Here is a picture of her meeting Aunt Trudy.

I wanted to get a few pictures of her in a pumpkin patch, so my mom and I hurried over to Smith's one day when she was happy. We managed to get a few shots before she started crying.

I didn't dress her up for Halloween. I figured she was too little, but then I saw pictures of friends who had babies around the same time as me, and they dressed their little ones up. I guess I should have. Oh well, there's always next year! But my mom did buy her this cute outfit.

She loves laying flat on her changing table and bassinet, so I usually take the opportunity to get a few photos :)

She was supposed to have her two month check up today and get her immunizations, but something was wrong with the insurance and I had to reschedule for Monday.

Hopefully I will be able to post more updates soon!

Motherhood - Month 1

Avery turned a month old on October 7. I can't believe it's been a month already!

People say having a baby changes your life, and I had no idea how right they were (or really exactly what they meant) until I had her. One thing I've realized is how I should have had a lot more grace for mothers. I had no idea how hard of a job it is, albeit the best one. A few examples...

1) It always sort of annoyed me when moms acted like they had the market covered on being tired, as if no one else was tired. I used to think to myself that I have a pretty demanding job too, and I put in a lot of hours and don't get a lot of sleep either. Well I had no idea what getting no more than 2 consecutive hours of sleep for weeks can do to your body. I have never felt exhaustion like that, no matter how "busy" I was. I joked that I should have done a lot of clubbing before I had her to prepare myself for being up all night haha. Thankfully, it started getting better after the first 2 weeks.

2) I also didn't know what stay at home moms did all day. I thought I would be bored. Ha! There are some days when I literally don't have time to brush my teeth until 2pm.

3) I feel bad admitting this but I got annoyed when babies would cry at church or a restaurant or wherever I was. I felt like I should be able to enjoy those things in peace. So now I am having a hard time going out in public because I know other people are probably thinking that. Now I realize how selfish I was. I don't want to be stuck in the house for the rest of my life and since I have to take her with me everywhere, she will probably cry. Oh well.  

4) I didn't really get annoyed with this, I just thought it was funny when people would show me pictures of their baby (or niece or nephew). They were cute, but just looked like another baby to me. Of course, the person showing the picture was super excited, so I was happy for them. Now I get why people want to show pictures and post things about their baby on facebook. They're your life, and you love them so much. It's hard not to share with other people! So yes, my status updates will probably include Avery most of the time :) 

Well those are just things I've learned so far. I'll close with some pictures. These are from her newborn session. DeEdra with PhotoEmotion in Wichita Falls did them.