A New Church

Rustin and I have made the hard decision to go to a new church. It wasn't easy because I have been attending The Village since I first moved to the metroplex back in 2005. I liked it because Matt Chandler was the pastor and I knew him from when he would come speak to the youth group when I was a youth intern in Wichita Falls. There were also several people from Wichita Falls on staff there, and it felt like home. I loved going to church there. It was through The Village that I went on my first mission trip to Guatemala in 2007. My small group was also amazing, and I had a great time serving as a leader in Kids' Village for a while. It's hard to find a church where you completely line up with them theologically, and can also find great community.

When Rustin and I got married and moved back from Colorado, we started attending again. But then we moved to Allen. The Flower Mound campus was almost an hour drive from our new home and we knew that was just too far. We visited churches around us but couldn't seem to find a fit. Then the news came - The Village was opening a Dallas campus! I was so excited! It was still 30 minutes away, but that seemed so much closer. Before we had Avery, the drive was no problem. We sort of even liked driving to Saturday night service and going out to eat somewhere in Dallas afterward. Or sometimes we would go to a fun brunch place down there with friends after the Sunday morning service. We also found a great small group in Plano. It was also a 30 minute drive, but we felt like it was worth it to have such great community.

Then Avery was born. I guess I knew this was coming, but kept putting it off because I didn't want to leave The Village. But having a kid changes things. Not only was the drive a huge hindrance now, there were several other things I had to consider for Avery. Since there are so many services at The Village, you can possibly go to the same one each weekend, but see totally different people, so I assume that's how it would be in Little Village (their preschool ministry), so she would have a hard time making friends if she doesn't see the same kids every week. Not only that, who knows where the kids would live. We would possibly be driving 30-45 minutes for play dates too. We didn't want that for her. We wanted her to have a group of kids that she sees every Sunday who also live close so she can hang out with them. That's what true community is - doing life together.

Once we made the decision to really start looking again for a church, I had a pit in my stomach. I LOVED The Village and knew nothing would compare. Besides that, we already tried out most of the churches in our area and couldn't find a good fit. Well one day I told Rustin about a church we hadn't tried that I had heard about - Allen Bible Church. He said he would go check it out while I stayed home with Avery. He came home that first Sunday telling me how much he liked it. I joined him the next Sunday while his parents watched Avery and much to my surprise I really liked it too! A super nice lady came up and talked to us for a while, and several people talked to Rustin the Sunday before when he had gone by himself.

I'm sort of a stickler for theology. I just can't go to a church if they believe something I don't think is biblical,  but I completely line up with what this church believes. And... it's close! And there are even a few couples with kids right in our neighborhood!

Even though it was a very hard decision, I believe that we have made the right one for our family, and I think if Matt Chandler were to read my blog, he would agree :) ...and I can still listen to The Village sermons on podcasts!

Avery 5 Months

So I had put cut up black leaf bags in Avery's window (ghetto, I know) to block the light and make it easier for her to nap. In my defense, no one could see them unless they opened the curtains. But that made the lighting really bad for her 5 month pictures (yes, I'm OCD) so I decided to take the bags down (they were falling anyway and weren't helping her nap any longer) and take a few more pictures. Plus, she wouldn't smile at all that day and she is nothing but smiles today so I thought I could catch one on camera! (She's still close enough to 5 months right??)

She has been nothing but a Daddy's girl lately. When she sees Rustin she gets really excited and wiggles her body, smiles really big, and lets out a squeal. It is hilarious!

Last night Rustin's parents babysat Avery and we went to Fort Worth and met up with Catherine, Patrick, Sarah, and Ryan. It was a roommate reunion - plus husbands! We had tons of fun catching up, and I'm mad at myself I didn't get a picture! It's crazy how much things have changed. We were all single when living together and now at dinner all we could talk about was our babies. They both had hotel rooms down there and were going to hang out longer, but Rustin and I had an hour drive back to Allen so we had to leave early. Maybe next time we'll be brave enough to leave Avery overnight!

Also, I'm learning to NEVER complain in my blog. I was getting frustrated Avery was waking up every day at 6:30 when my friends' babies were sleeping until 7 or 8. Well now she's waking up every day at 5:40! But I'm NOT complaining (or it's going to be 4!) haha!

Valentine's Day

Rustin took me to eat at III Forks for dinner for Valentine's Day. I've wanted to go there for years. When we were in college this guy took Andrea on a date there and she came back telling me how awesome it was, so I've always wanted to try it. We went the week before Valentine's because they were doing a free wine tasting and we wanted to avoid the crowds. (Does that make us old??) Rustin also had a coupon for free dessert so we enjoyed some key lime pie with our steak :) It was really good, but for our 1st anniversary we went to Fearings and we both agree that place is still the best!

We usually don't really exchange gifts but Rustin snuck out in the morning and got me a Starbucks drink (my fave!) and these pretty flowers! I definitely needed the Starbucks because Avery woke up for the day at 5:40 am! 

I guess Avery couldn't sleep later because she was excited for her first Valentine's Day. She got cards from her grandparents and great grandparents. She also had a cute outfit Andrea gave her. Here are a few pictures-

My mom was here that week, and we had a lot of fun! I never want her to leave. I felt like I didn't have any good pictures of Avery and I since I dyed my hair so I made my mom do a "photo shoot" of us. (I know - I'm a dork.) Our neighborhood has a cool walking trail and a little pier, so that's where we went to get a few pictures.

Speaking of my hair, I'm going to Wichita Falls next week and have a hair appointment. I'm still torn on whether or not to keep it dark. I like it better highlighted but get tired of the upkeep. But I have seriously found tons of gray hairs recently, so it looks like I'm going to have to color it no matter what! Either way I'm looking forward to going there... I haven't been since Christmas.

Carrie

We had to put my cat, Carrie, down last Friday. She was the first pet that was "mine" (not the family pet). She was my constant companion when Rustin was out of town. She made the drive from Colorado to Texas with Rustin and me. I felt like she was my first "baby." I miss her so much. That may sound silly to someone who doesn't love animals, but people who do understand. She was a part of my family, so I wanted to write a post for her.

Rustin and I got married in March of 2008 and he got Carrie for me for my birthday that June. He says he felt sorry for me that I was living up in Colorado away from my friends and family so that's why he got her :) According to how old she was, we figured she was born around the time when we got married. The Sex and the City movie came out that summer and I was all into it. That's where she got her name. 

She was such a funny cat. When my mom came to visit in Colorado we heard this really loud sound then she came out soaking wet. We realized she fell in the toilet! Then when we lived in our apartment in Addison Circle, I would let her out on the balcony (we lived on the 2nd floor) and leave the door open when the weather was nice. Well one day I heard a noise, looked down and she had jumped off! Luckily there were stores under us, so she landed on the awning. I still don't know how my arm reached all the way down there, but I grabbed her and pulled her back up. She was not allowed on the balcony anymore. 

She never grew out of the silly things cats do when they're kittens. She always "halloween catted" us as we call it (when they arch their back and poof out). She wasn't really scared of much. Even when we brought home Baloo it didn't seem to bother her. In fact, I would say she bullied Baloo haha. 

The day after she was put down was the hardest day I have had in a while. I couldn't take care of Avery and couldn't stop crying. Rustin was so sweet to help out. It's still really hard for me to read any of Avery's books that mention cats or kittens. When a blanket is on the floor or something and I catch it out of the corner of my eye, I think it's her and when I realize it's not, I get really sad. 

I love this poem, "The Rainbow Bridge." Even though it's sad, it somehow makes me feel better:

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together.... 

-Author Unkown

Goodbye my Carrie Berrie.

Visitors

Avery has been entertaining a lot of guests recently. The other day one of my friends, Jennifer, came over with her little boy, Michael. He is exactly three months older than Avery. It's so crazy how fast they change. Michael could sit up and was actually playing with the toys. Avery still lays on her back and just chews anything that comes close to her mouth. I think she had fun with her new friend though, and it was nice for me to get to visit with another mom! I'm bummed I didn't get a picture of them together though. Oh well, we will next time I can convince Jenn to make the drive over here!

My grandma from Florida came into town and my parents drove down here to pick her up and then came by our house. This was the first time she met Avery.

Then they had to bring my grandma back a few days later. Since she was flying out of Love Field, she stayed the night with us and I took her to the airport in the morning. My grandma from Wichita Falls also came down with them and Avery got a pic with both of her great grandmas.

My grandma got to read Avery her bedtime story... (I secretly love this book too. I don't mind reading it to her every night!)

The other day Rustin and I decided to get a few pictures with Avery and her Valentine's outfit her aunt Andrea gave her. It's a 6 month size and I hadn't put her in it yet because I assumed it would be too big, but it's too small! Apparently she's already in 9 month clothes!

And she turned 5 months old!

A few random things that have been going on:

Rustin and I have gone to a couple of concerts...for free. Andrea got us tickets to an 80's cover band (The Molly Ringwalds) at the House of Blues. Then our friends Joel and Hillary had tickets to Mat Kearney at the Majestic Theater and they couldn't make it so gave us their tickets! We had a blast at both and are grateful Rustin's parents could babysit!

Avery is falling into more of a routine. Before I never knew what time she would wake up in the morning. Sometimes it was after 9, sometimes it was 6. Well now she wakes up at 6:30 on the dot every day. Her naps are still a little irregular but they are getting better too. I wish I wouldn't have stressed out so much and just let her settle into a schedule herself, which she seems to be doing. She also has an earlier bedtime - about 7pm - which Rustin and I have really enjoyed. Before she wouldn't go to bed until around 11pm and Rustin would already be asleep so we didn't ever get to hang out at night. Now we have our nights back and can watch our reality shows I suck him into :) 

My mom is coming next week for a visit, then I am going to Wichita Falls the week after that. The first weekend in March I am going to Salado with friends for Jana's 30th birthday. It will be my first night away from Avery so I'm nervous about that but also looking forward to hanging out with everyone!

Tired of Comparing

I am exhausted. Not from Avery’s sleep schedule. That’s what I thought it was and what I blamed it on, but for the most part she’s sleeping through the night. No, she’s still not taking good naps, but I’m usually getting about 8 hours a night. (Don’t worry this isn’t another post about her sleeping :) No, I realized I am exhausted from trying to measure up. All my life I’ve been a perfectionist. I got my name on the board one time in elementary because I misplaced my book, and I thought my world was ending. I don’t think my parents had to ever really discipline me. All it took was a look and I was back on track. I’ve always wanted to please people. In school I had to get good grades. Never in my life did I get a C on a report card. I’m not saying this to say that I’m smart. There were classes that were very hard for me, but the thing with school is I could control it. If the class was hard, I studied harder. I learned to control things in my life to make them as perfect as possible.

I knew I needed to work on this before I had a kid. I read a book a few summers ago called Death by Suburb. It was really good and made me realize I don’t want to get sucked into the competition in suburbia of who has the nicest house and whose kid is doing (insert whatever milestone) first. I didn’t want to put that pressure on her. I didn’t want to make her feel like she had to perform for me to love her.  

Then I had her. My perfectionism and control issues came out full force. There was only one problem this time – I was dealing with a person. I could read tons of books. I could talk to tons of people. I could keep detailed logs of her sleeping and eating habits. I could try out different solutions from “experts” to get her to fit the schedule I wanted her to. But she’s just a baby. No matter what I did, I couldn’t control her. I kept thinking if I just kept researching I would find the “cure” for her lack of napping and schedule. Confession – I even called Dr. Weissbluth’s practice (the author of Healthy Sleep Habits) in Chicago to set up a sleep consultation over the phone. Then I found out it was $800. Instead of thinking, ok that’s crazy, Avery’s fine. I thought – where can I get $800? What can I sell on eBay?

I think what pushed me over the edge was talking to a well-meaning friend at a party. Her baby was born about a week before Avery. Her baby had been on a schedule since about 7 weeks. Woke up every day at 7:30, naps twice for two hours at the same exact times each day, eats at the same exact time. For some reason this devastated me. I felt like I had failed as a mother. This mom obviously did something right that I completely missed. I felt like I failed Avery. This mom followed Babywise. While she was talking about it, the judgmental voice in my head kept saying “maybe if you had followed Babywise, your baby would be on a schedule too.” Yes, I read Babywise (wasn’t a huge fan). But then I had a colicky baby. A schedule was the last thing on my mind. My sole goal in life for 3 months became to help her stop crying. I knew this mom didn’t have a colicky baby so there was no way for her to understand what I had gone through.

That “breakdown” (and Rustin) helped me wake up and realize why I was doing all of this. I kept telling myself I was doing it for Avery. I wanted her to get enough sleep so she would be healthy and well rested. But for the most part now (after the colic) she is a pretty happy baby. So is it really all for her or is it for me to show that I’m the perfect mother and have the perfect baby? I sadly realized it’s the latter.

I know this is something that I will continually need to work on, but I’m glad I realized my fault now, not when she’s on some sports team and I’m the crazy mom yelling in the stands as if it’s the Superbowl. I don’t want Avery to feel like she needs to perform or be perfect to be worthy of love. My mission as a mother is to point her to Christ. He doesn’t want our good deeds or performance. And I don’t want her to grow up thinking she has to be perfect for Him to love her because that’s what she has to do for her mom. I want to emulate His love and accept her as she is (I’m not talking about discipline here). I just pray that the Lord will continue to guide me as I take on the hardest but greatest job of my life. I guess if she had a perfect mother, she wouldn’t have a need for a Savior.

Avery 4 Months

Avery turned 4 months on January 7. She just had her check up yesterday though. She now weighs 13 pounds! I believe it...and so does my bicep! I need to start weight training or something because it's getting hard to hold her for very long, and I know it's only going to get worse!

Here are a few pictures of her lately. First is one of her in her bumbo chair. She looks like she's about to say something very important.

I've been reading the Llama Llama books to her and my mom got her her own Llama. She loves him, even though he's as big as her!

Then we did her 4 month photo shoot -

 She can sort of sit up now so I took one of those too -

Well I can't post without saying something about her sleeping schedule (or lack thereof). I feel like I always have to add this disclaimer - this may be boring if you aren't going through this right now, but I wanted to write about it to maybe help someone else. I have loved my friends telling me what their baby was doing at this time and what worked for them.

When she basically wasn't sleeping at all and had colic bad I kept comforting myself with the fact that it's supposed to end at 3 months. Also, according to Happiest Baby on the Block, they were supposed to be done with the "4th trimester" and not need the things to recreate the womb and calm them like swaddling and swinging. So I guess I just had this expectation that 3 months would hit and she magically wouldn't cry anymore and start sleeping great. Well nothing changed. Then I was reading more stuff and it seemed that it sometimes takes babies to 4 months. So I thought ok, I can make it to 4 months. Well 4 months came and still no change, so I was pretty discouraged.

I was very concerned with her sleep because it directly affected me! I've always needed a lot of sleep. I used to say that sort of tongue-in-cheek knowing it was probably just an excuse for me being lazy, but I really think it's true. Some kids sleep more than others, so why would that not follow you into adulthood? When I started kindergarten, I was still taking a nap. My mom was worried about how I'd do. I guess I got through it, but even through my career, I wanted a nap. When I was teaching I would leave early and take work home so I could do it later, but I needed a nap first! Left to my own schedule in the summers, I would sleep 10-11 hours every night. That's just my natural rhythm. So to be sleep deprived for months was really hard for me, and I was desperate for a solution!

The book I LOVE (and I think have memorized now) - Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child - said that at 4 months you can start letting them cry it out. I was against cry it out. I didn't want to do it. But I tried EVERYTHING else. In fact, I think I researched too much. There are so many different theories out there, and I was driving myself crazy reading the pros and cons of everything. I finally decided to pick just ONE method and stick to it, and I chose that book. I feel like the author is very middle of the road, and he's a doctor. A few of the other sleep books are written by people with no medical background or education on sleep disorders, and I'm wary of those. I just knew that Avery wasn't sleeping and neither was I, so for her own good something had to be done. The book said something about how you're not making her cry, you're allowing her to cry. I know as she's growing up there will be many times like this. When she gets older and wants to eat candy for breakfast or something, I may have to allow her to cry, but my decision is for her own good.

There were several sleep problems I needed to tackle. First, she was still sleeping swaddled in her swing. Also her bedtime was WAY too late (10-12pm), and her naps were only 20 minutes. I decided to keep everything the same (swing, swaddle, etc) and work on her bedtime first. With the guidance and encouragement of a couple of friends (Sarah and April) I decided to put her to bed when I knew she was tired and needed to sleep and allow her to cry if needed. I fed her right before putting her down, made sure she had a clean diaper with diaper cream on, and was burped. I knew all of her needs were met and all she needed was sleep. Letting her cry was the hardest thing I've ever done. The first 2 nights she cried on/off for an hour. I wanted to go get her so bad. But after that she only cried about 20 mins and the last few nights she hasn't cried hardly at all. I hesitate to write anything like that because I feel like when I do, the next night she regresses, but for now she's doing ok with bedtime.

My next task is to get her out of the swing and to the crib. I've just started it today and I'm nervous, but I need to do it. Next I want to work on her naps, but the book says they may not be regular until 5 months. But I have reduced the amount of time I was soothing her. I was holding her and bouncing on an exercise ball (she wouldn't even let me rock her) forever. As she got heavier, I physically couldn't do it anymore. Now I bounce her for just a few minutes (less than 5), sing to her and put her down drowsy but awake. The first few times she cried for about 15-20 minutes. Now she may cry right when I put her down, but then stops about 5 seconds later and goes to sleep. She doesn't stay asleep as long as I'd like, but at least I'm not killing myself getting her down anymore.

I've kept a log of her sleep/eat times for 2.5 months now to look for patterns. Her "schedule" was all over the place, so there aren't many patterns yet, but it is helpful to go back and see if she's improving. I'm glad that I have it and will be able to refer to it when I have another little one.

I could go on and on but I'll stop there. If I could go back I wouldn't have researched so much. There are so many people with different opinions, especially if you look on the discussion boards on babycenter, etc. Then you start trying all these new ideas and it doesn't work because you're not consistent. I would have just read the Healthy Sleep Habits book and stuck with it. Hopefully things will get better and maybe I'll be a pro when it's time for the second baby!