Life with Two

How is life with two kids?

I get asked that question a lot lately. It's not a bad question at all, but since I have been asked it so much it has forced me to think more deeply about it than my typical response of "Oh we're making it."

The real answer is it's stinkin' hard. But I haven't wanted to say that. I feel like I don't have a "right" to say that. I know people with three, four, heck I even personally know a woman with 12 kids. What right do I have to say two- just two - kids are hard?? Not only do I only have two kids, but I stay home, I have a supportive husband, and just the fact that I live in the United States means I have many MANY more luxuries than my fellow moms in say Africa.

But knowing all of those things doesn't make it less hard. I think being aware of how fortunate I am is good because it creates a sense of gratitude in me, but sometimes it creates a feeling of worthlessness. Because it's not really helpful to see the woman with 12 kids wearing something other than sweat pants (an act I have not been able to pull off in days). It makes me feel like even more of a failure. (If she can do it, why can't I??) I think at times we have to allow ourselves to be ok with the fact that we're struggling.

I remember it was hard with just one kid. Avery only took 20 minute naps and when she was awake she was crying. I went from having free time to zero free time. Side note to people without kids: you may think you have no free time now because you're busy with work, etc. and I'm not discounting that, but please, just take pleasure in the fact that you can use the restroom ALONE.

Now with two I have even less free time. Maybe that sounds selfish of me that I need free time, but hear me out - I am an introvert and if you have ever done the Myers Briggs testing you know that the difference between and introvert and extrovert is not how good you are at talking to people, it's where you get your energy. Extroverts get their energy from others, and introverts get their energy from alone/down time. We need some time to just recharge with no one around. And now I no longer have that recharge time that I NEED.

At least with Avery (when she got older) she napped during the day so I had a few hours there, then she went to bed at a somewhat decent hour and I got a few more hours before I went to sleep. Now I think they have conspired so that one of them is awake at all times. I kid you not, there have been days that the SECOND I put one of them down to nap, the other immediately wakes up and it continues like that all day.

And let's talk about going places. I need to get out of the house. Even though I am an introvert, believe it or not, I do like being around people. In fact, I NEED to be around other people sometimes or I go insane. But I pretty much can't leave the house unless I'm going to a place with childcare and only women (because I just can't bring myself to nurse in front of men). Arden takes 40 minute naps every 1.5 hours, and she eats every 2-3 hours. So if you want to try to do the math that leaves me about one 30 minute window to go somewhere, but 30 minutes is how long it now takes us to all get into the car.

It's an adjustment, and I keep telling myself it WILL get better (it did with Avery). But for all you other moms out there with only one or two kids who are struggling and then you see the mom of 12 with actual pants on (you know, ones that button) and then you feel like a failure, just know you are not alone. It's hard. And just because some people have it harder, contrary to popular opinion, that does not somehow make it easier for you.

And a little PSA for husbands: When your wife is confiding in you how she's having a hard time, the worst thing you can do is to remind her how so-and-so did it/is doing it and is fine. You're welcome.