Walking and Talking

Avery took her first consecutive steps on Dec. 21, but she didn't really "walk" until about a week later on Dec. 30. We took her to the church nursery that day and since she was sort of walking, we promoted her to the toddler room. I think she saw all those other kids walking and it gave her that extra push... and she hasn't looked back.

This is her wearing Baloo's leash after a walk. Trust me, I did NOT put it on her.

Now that she can walk, she loves going to the park. They re-vamped the one that is walking distance from our house, so we go there a lot. I'm very lucky to have a neighbor who is also a stay-at-home mom, so we've been able to go together. Her baby is 5 months old and happy as can be in the swing, but Avery is still scared of it. If I take her anywhere close, she says "no." Which is ironic since she spent the first 5 months of her life sleeping in a swing.

Speaking of no, it's her favorite word. It's so funny- no one ever "taught" her to say no. Every other word we'd encourage her to say and then clap and tell her good job when she said it. But we never did that with "no" yet she certainly learned to use it.

She still has a bad habit of dropping food while in her high chair. (Speaking of if anyone has any suggestions on how to break that I'd love to hear them. I've tried everything.) So she'll be sitting there and I'll hear "no" and see a mound of peas lying on the floor. She gives herself away.

She also says no and shakes her head whenever I sing. Tough crowd.

She likes to use no during bedtime too. She's very picky on which books she wants to read and will let you know if she doesn't want to read the one you've picked up. And if you don't get the hint when she says no, she'll close the book and push it away for you.

I guess I would be more frustrated, but she says it so cute, it just makes me laugh.

Moving

I've had a few people sort of upset with me (not really but you know) that I didn't let them know that Rustin and I are moving so I thought I would explain everything!

We decided to start looking for a house for two reasons. The first reason is that we wanted a little more space. I feel bad saying that because I know there are people who raise 5 kids in one bedroom apts. so I realize that I am very lucky to have the space we have in our house. 

When we bought our four bedroom home, I thought it would be plenty of room, but at the time Rustin wasn't working from home. Well now he works from home I'd say 75% of the time, so one of the bedrooms is completely dedicated to his office. That means whenever kiddo #2 comes around, we won't have a guest room. I know that may not sound like a big deal, but with my parents living out of town, I really liked having it for them to stay in when they came (and any other out of town guests) and also for extra storage. 

Anyway I don't think just the first reason alone would have prompted us to move - at least at this point- which brings me to reason #2. 

Rustin really wants to get another rental property, so we figured since we were thinking of moving anyway, we could rent our current house out, so that sort of solves both problems. 

We have been looking for probably a few months but I didn't mention it to that many people. It's kind of like when you don't announce you're pregnant until after the first trimester. I just didn't know if the whole house thing would even work out, and basically there were just so many unknowns that I didn't want to be "that girl" who makes a big announcement then weeks later is like "just kidding." (Although I may be since I'm writing this a little earlier than I planned. More on that later.)

We had very specific criteria for what we wanted not only in the house itself but also the location. We wanted to stay very close to where we currently live and in Allen ISD.

After looking at tons of houses, putting offers on 4 and them not coming down enough for us (and one just not responding) we finally got a house!! It was only on the market for a day and someone else had also put an offer on already. Luckily we were willing to close sooner than the other people, so they accepted our offer. It is a little over a mile away from our current house.

We are still in the option period and haven't closed yet, which is why I mentioned this may still be too soon for me to bring it up, but oh well. We've already had the inspection though and things seem to be moving along fine. 

There are a lot of things we want to do to the house (just cosmetic stuff), so thank goodness for Pinterest. (And if you follow me on there, I'm going to apologize in advance for the inordinate number of pins you'll see from me.) 

When the closing is official, etc. I'll email out our new address and send pictures. We also plan to have a housewarming party that will hopefully be as fun as the Fiesta themed one we had for this house!

Confessions Part 2

Well I figured I needed part 2 of my confessions... after all Usher did. (Now I can't stop singing that song.)

I don't know if any of you are Office fans, but on a recent episode Pam came in wearing old jeans and a sweatshirt because she was going to paint the warehouse. Unaware of that fact, Dwight says "It's finally happened. Pam has ceased caring." I chuckled at first, and then realized that may be me.

I used to care so much about how I looked even if it was just to go to the grocery store. I'm not one of those girls who can pull off the "natural look" so I usually wouldn't leave the house unless I had on at least eye liner and mascara.

As I left Hobby Lobby today wearing gray sweat pants, Uggs, hair in a ponytail and no make up, I realized that is what I wear every time I go in there. And any time I go anywhere else. I wonder if people think that is my uniform for the weird daycare I work at where I only care for one child. I can't even fool people into thinking I'm going to work out because I'm wearing "cute gym clothes." I just look homeless.

Tonight I washed my hair, not because I am going somewhere tomorrow (when I worked I always washed in the morning so it would be fresh for the day) but simply because it's been days since I last washed it and for sanitary reasons, I figured I should. I'm probably not going to dry it and will put it back up in my normal messy bun tomorrow.

Speaking of hair, I've grown it long for the first time in years simply because it's easier to hide dirty hair when it's long. I have several "jeweled" head bands I can put on with hair in a bun and it looks all fancy, but in reality it's super oily. Oh and dry shampoo is my best friend.

I used to do my nails because I wanted them to be pretty. Now the only reason I mess with them is when they get too long and I start scratching Avery. Oh and we don't even want to talk about my toes. Pedicures? Ha! Luxury from the past. Not only that, no one sees them right now because it's winter...so let's just leave it at that.

I can't count how many times in the early morning (usually when Avery decides to wake up at 5am) I've driven to Starbucks in my pjs. If they're lucky I brush my hair, but not usually my teeth.

Part of my problem is I don't care, but part of my problem is I have no time! I realize it's my choice to not wake up before Avery does, but I just don't have it in me. First, I can't bring myself to set an alarm clock. I birthed an alarm clock 16 months ago and it has NEVER failed to go off... not even on the weekends or holidays.

I just feel like if, by some grace of God, Avery sleeps till 7am I take it as a wonderful blessing and feel it would be blasphemous to squander that extra sleep He has so graciously given me.

I know moms who wake up hours before their kids. They take a shower, put on makeup and normal clothes (jeans, not sweats) and fix their hair. I look up to those moms the way men look up to their favorite sports stars. I am in awe of them and realize I will never attain that level.

In the meantime I am thankful I have a husband who, for some unknown reason, doesn't care if I look awful because he says he likes the "natural look." I guess that's the good part about marrying someone from Colorado and not from Dallas.

If you see me out, please don't judge me. Just pretend that I always look the way I do in the Facebook pictures I post (not the ones I'm tagged in).

What I'll Do Different Next Time

I am a planner, perfectionist, Type A... you name it, and when it came to pregnancy/baby that was no different.

When I got pregnant, I read What to Expect When You're Expecting. I followed all the rules about what to eat/ not eat, etc. I wanted to do everything exactly right. So after I had the pregnancy thing nailed (yeah right), I thought I should start studying up on what to do with this little baby once it was actually here.

I figured this would be a somewhat easy task. I mean people have been having babies for millennia, and we live in an age where information is so readily available and medicine is quite advanced. So I assumed people had this whole "raising a baby" thing figured out by now and all I had to do was read a few books and I'd be set.

I started out with recommendations from friends. The first book I read was Happiest Baby on the Block.  I really liked it and what he said made sense. Of course it was focusing mostly on the first four months, so I moved on to another recommendation - Babywise. Much to my shock and confusion, not only did it have a different overall philosophy, but some of its points were completely opposite!

This wasn't how I wanted this to go. I wanted a black and white plan to raising a baby. That way I could easily tell if I was doing it right. But then as I read more material, my eyes were opened to the fact that there are two totally opposite camps on baby rearing who both have professionals, doctors and many moms in their corner. So who was I to believe??

Well this just threw everything off, and I went through several months of constantly feeling like I was failing because at least one of the philosophies was telling me I was doing it wrong. (If I nursed my baby whenever she wanted to, that was wrong because I was spoiling her. If I put her on a schedule for feeding that was wrong because I was starving her, etc. etc.)

I went through a long period of constant anxiety, frustration and feelings of failure. So looking back I wanted to write down things I want to do differently the second time. Obviously I haven't figured it all out and although we don't plan to have three kids, if we did, I'm sure I could also write about what I would do different the third time. (I feel like I should note here- I am NOT pregnant.)

1. Listen To Your Gut!
I hate starting new jobs. I hate feeling overwhelmed and like I don't know anything and the uncertainty of exactly what is expected of me. But that's how I felt when I got the job of "mom." I felt like everyone had to know more than me because they were either doctors who had studied it for years or moms who already had kids and lived through it.

But "back in the day" they didn't have books or articles or in some cases even doctors. So how did moms and babies survive then? I believe God put in each mom an instinct for caring for her baby that can't be replaced by anyone else.

I did not like my first pediatrician at all, but since I'd never had one before I kept going to her because I thought maybe that's how it's supposed to be. I knew something was wrong with Avery. She cried all.the.time. I mentioned this to the doctor and she would tell me that it was normal, she'd grow out of it, etc.

Well at 6 months, when I took Avery to a new pediatrician, she was finally diagnosed with reflux and given meds, and then at a year it was confirmed she is in fact lactose intolerant.

When I was nursing, the doctors told me I probably didn't need to give up milk. And I thought maybe I was going crazy and just thinking she was more fussy after I ate dairy. Next time I'm just buying some soy milk even if there's no reason for it and going from there. I don't mind the taste and I'm not going through that again.

They also made me feel crazy for putting her on a hypoallergenic formula (alimentum) which was $30 for a small can (ugh). But now I know she needed it.

Next time if I suspect reflux, I am demanding meds. I believe if I would have done that from the beginning, she wouldn't have stopped nursing and the first six months of her life wouldn't have been the hardest six months of mine.

Which leads me to #2

2. If you feel like your pediatrician isn't listening to you - switch...NOW! Don't let them make you think you don't know anything. You're the mom. I'm so happy I finally switched, just wish I had done it sooner.

3. Choose your schedule (or no schedule) and don't let anyone else make you feel bad for your choice.

I think/hope that moms don't intentionally set out to make other moms feel bad for not following their "way." I think that certain things just work really well for certain moms. I know moms who have loved the scheduling/Babywise way and moms who have loved attachment parenting.

I think when you have your first kid and you finally figure out what works for you, you're so excited and want to share it and assume that it will also work wonders for everyone else's baby too.

But that's the problem - nothing works for every baby. I had several moms just tell me to do Babywise - it was the secret. I tried and tried and constantly felt like a failure. But it wasn't because I was doing something wrong, it was because that didn't work for us.

Anyway I would be a complete hypocrite here if I said one way was better than the other. My whole point is that it's not. They are all fine, it's just all about what works for you and your baby.

So don't let others (or Internet articles) make you feel bad for the way you've chosen, and when it's your turn to give advice, don't do the same to others.

4. It gets better.

I remember the first two weeks and waking up every 3 hours to nurse her and feeling such despair because I thought it was always going to be like this. I will always be this exhausted. Then that stage ended.

Then she refused to nap (as well documented in other posts) and I thought it would never change. Then it did.

Then she was teething and constantly fussy and wanting my attention and waking up at all hours of the night. I didn't think I could make it through, then it was over.

When you're in each stage, it feels all-consuming and like it will always be this way. But remember the old saying - "this too shall pass."

5. Don't get caught up in the competition. 

Some moms are just competitive and it carries over into child rearing. They think their kid is the next Einstein or Michael Jordan because he hit (insert whatever milestone here) early. Also many parents find their identity and worth in how well their kid performs.

Avery has hit all of her milestones late. Not so late that it was out of the "normal" range, but on the late end of that range. At first I worried and felt like I had to compete with other moms, but not only is that bad for me - it's bad for Avery.

She is who she is and I NEVER want to make her feel "less than" because she's not doing what all the other kids are doing. I want her to be confident in who she is and not feel that her worth is found in how she measures up to others. (Eventually I want her to understand that her worth is found in who she is in Christ, but we'll get there.)

I hope they don't mind me sharing this story, but a friend of mine's brother was going to be tested for mental retardation at 2 years old because he hadn't talked yet. Long story short, nothing was wrong with him and he is currently in grad school at an Ivy League University.

I don't believe on any of my college entrance exams or in any job interview anyone ever asked me at what age I walked, learned my ABC's, learned to count to 10 etc. ... Because it doesn't matter.

I know the competition thing will only get worse as she gets older and is in school and sports, but I hope to constantly remind myself to not get caught up in it.

Well I feel like I've written a novel, yet only have 5 things listed. I'm sure I could go on but this post is long enough as is. If I think of anymore to add, I'll write a new post. Hopefully this will encourage someone.

Sleep at 16 Months

So I realized I hadn't mentioned Avery's sleeping at all in quite a while (gasp!). I guess when something stops being a problem, you don't worry about it as much. Or should I say - when I start getting the sleep I need, the world is at peace.

But what I am a little surprised about (but definitely NOT complaining about) is that she is still taking two naps. It seemed when talking to friends, 15 months was the magic age to switch to one nap, and I even have friends with younger babies already taking one nap. But after reading about it in my favorite book (Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child), there is a pretty big range of ages for babies to drop to one nap.

I thought the problem was that she was waking up too early, therefore needing the morning nap. If I could get her to sleep later, then maybe she would drop the morning nap and sleep in every day! One problem - how do you make a baby sleep later?

Answer: you can't. Yes, I've tried keeping her up later, but that usually backfires. I guess I could make her stay up until her afternoon nap, but that sounds like no fun for mom or baby.

So anyway even though it's hard to plan things, I am definitely not complaining that she is still taking two naps. And sometimes I even take the morning nap with her :) She's still sleeping through the night, so I don't see any reason to try to change things.

One thing I have learned from that little girl is that she's going to do things on her schedule and as much as mom tries to control or change it, she can't. So might as well just go with the flow!

A Happenin' NYE

It's funny when you get older how some things change so much. When I was younger, New Year's Eve was the one night a year I HAD to do something. I would plan with my friends for months. It was the one night you did NOT want to be sitting at home.

Now it is the one night I refuse to go anywhere. I don't want to be around the crazies on the road or the crowds. Also, I have no desire to stay up until midnight. I remember my mom and grandma saying in years past that they couldn't remember the last time they rung in the New Year and I remember thinking "lame." Now that's me. I mean even if I was to stay up or get a babysitter, I would still have to be up with Avery the next morning at 6am so it's just not worth it. I love my sleep too much!

Rustin and I were planning on just hanging out at home, but then we thought we would invite his mom and brother over. I cooked dinner (they were brave to eat it!) and we played games. Here are a few pictures from that night -

It was the perfect New Year celebration!

The Hobbit and the Velveteen Rabbit

I've been a little sad and introspective after Christmas this year. I think several things happened together to make me feel this way.

Every year on Christmas I get a little sad that it's not magical like it was when I was a little kid. I remember waiting ALL year for Christmas. We would make these rings out of paper and take one off each day until Christmas and it seemed like an eternity. I would beg my parents for weeks to let me open just ONE present. Colby and I would always sleep in the same room and take turns waking each other up during the night to see if Santa had come yet.

Then you get older and it loses its magic. Of course part of it is lost when you discover the truth about Santa. But then also you start asking for more expensive presents so you really only get a few and you know what they are. Also when you're older, you can go and buy yourself something whenever you want (to some extent). You don't have that freedom when you're a kid, so you HAVE to wait until Christmas (or your birthday) to get that really cool toy.
(Yes, yes the point of Christmas isn't what toys you get, but that isn't the direction I'm going with this post.)

As I went to bed on Dec. 24 with no real anticipation for the next day, it made me a little sad.

So I was already feeling this way then one of Avery's presents came in the mail. I ordered The Velveteen Rabbit for her. Each Christmas I get her a book that I love and Rustin and I sign and date it, so when she's older she'll have a collection of great books representing each of her Christmases. Last year we got her The Polar Express.

Anyway that is one of the books that always makes me cry a little - especially this part.

“Weeks passed, and the little Rabbit grew very old and shabby, but the Boy loved him just as much. He loved him so hard that he loved all his whiskers off, and the pink lining to his ears turned grey, and his brown spots faded. He even began to lose his shape, and he scarcely looked like a rabbit any more, except to the Boy. To him he was always beautiful, and that was all that the little Rabbit cared about. He didn't mind how he looked to other people, because the nursery magic had made him Real, and when you are Real shabbiness doesn't matter.” 

 I guess it just reminded me of when I was little and had stuffed animals and truly loved them. Loved them so much that I really felt like they were my friends and whenever I went somewhere they couldn't be left behind.

And then.... I went to see The Hobbit. I LOVE The Lord of the Rings movies so I have been anxiously awaiting this one. Well it was great - as expected - and sort of took me back to being little. I was all caught up in the make believe world. But then it made it even harder to come back to real life.

So it got me thinking - what is that inner longing for our childhood? Since God made us, He must have put it there, but why? Did He always intend for us to lose our imagination and sense of humor (to an extent) when we grow up and start caring more about money, bills and cleaning?

Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think that's how it was originally designed. In the Garden, before the Fall, Adam and Eve were naked and were not ashamed. Well if you look at little children who have not "grown up" yet, that describes them exactly. They run around the house without a stitch of clothes happy as they can be.

Because of that, I like to think that we will be restored to that child-like innocence that breeds such joy and excitement in heaven. But also here on Earth, I don't think it is completely lost. I think God lets you experience that joy again when you have kids and see how excited they are. And then if you're lucky, even again in yet another different way when you have grandchildren.

So instead of being sad about it, I'm going to look forward to the years ahead when I get to see Avery's joy and wonder and wait for the day when we get to experience the ultimate joy and wonder when all things are restored in Heaven.