What I'll Do Different Next Time

I am a planner, perfectionist, Type A... you name it, and when it came to pregnancy/baby that was no different.

When I got pregnant, I read What to Expect When You're Expecting. I followed all the rules about what to eat/ not eat, etc. I wanted to do everything exactly right. So after I had the pregnancy thing nailed (yeah right), I thought I should start studying up on what to do with this little baby once it was actually here.

I figured this would be a somewhat easy task. I mean people have been having babies for millennia, and we live in an age where information is so readily available and medicine is quite advanced. So I assumed people had this whole "raising a baby" thing figured out by now and all I had to do was read a few books and I'd be set.

I started out with recommendations from friends. The first book I read was Happiest Baby on the Block.  I really liked it and what he said made sense. Of course it was focusing mostly on the first four months, so I moved on to another recommendation - Babywise. Much to my shock and confusion, not only did it have a different overall philosophy, but some of its points were completely opposite!

This wasn't how I wanted this to go. I wanted a black and white plan to raising a baby. That way I could easily tell if I was doing it right. But then as I read more material, my eyes were opened to the fact that there are two totally opposite camps on baby rearing who both have professionals, doctors and many moms in their corner. So who was I to believe??

Well this just threw everything off, and I went through several months of constantly feeling like I was failing because at least one of the philosophies was telling me I was doing it wrong. (If I nursed my baby whenever she wanted to, that was wrong because I was spoiling her. If I put her on a schedule for feeding that was wrong because I was starving her, etc. etc.)

I went through a long period of constant anxiety, frustration and feelings of failure. So looking back I wanted to write down things I want to do differently the second time. Obviously I haven't figured it all out and although we don't plan to have three kids, if we did, I'm sure I could also write about what I would do different the third time. (I feel like I should note here- I am NOT pregnant.)

1. Listen To Your Gut!
I hate starting new jobs. I hate feeling overwhelmed and like I don't know anything and the uncertainty of exactly what is expected of me. But that's how I felt when I got the job of "mom." I felt like everyone had to know more than me because they were either doctors who had studied it for years or moms who already had kids and lived through it.

But "back in the day" they didn't have books or articles or in some cases even doctors. So how did moms and babies survive then? I believe God put in each mom an instinct for caring for her baby that can't be replaced by anyone else.

I did not like my first pediatrician at all, but since I'd never had one before I kept going to her because I thought maybe that's how it's supposed to be. I knew something was wrong with Avery. She cried all.the.time. I mentioned this to the doctor and she would tell me that it was normal, she'd grow out of it, etc.

Well at 6 months, when I took Avery to a new pediatrician, she was finally diagnosed with reflux and given meds, and then at a year it was confirmed she is in fact lactose intolerant.

When I was nursing, the doctors told me I probably didn't need to give up milk. And I thought maybe I was going crazy and just thinking she was more fussy after I ate dairy. Next time I'm just buying some soy milk even if there's no reason for it and going from there. I don't mind the taste and I'm not going through that again.

They also made me feel crazy for putting her on a hypoallergenic formula (alimentum) which was $30 for a small can (ugh). But now I know she needed it.

Next time if I suspect reflux, I am demanding meds. I believe if I would have done that from the beginning, she wouldn't have stopped nursing and the first six months of her life wouldn't have been the hardest six months of mine.

Which leads me to #2

2. If you feel like your pediatrician isn't listening to you - switch...NOW! Don't let them make you think you don't know anything. You're the mom. I'm so happy I finally switched, just wish I had done it sooner.

3. Choose your schedule (or no schedule) and don't let anyone else make you feel bad for your choice.

I think/hope that moms don't intentionally set out to make other moms feel bad for not following their "way." I think that certain things just work really well for certain moms. I know moms who have loved the scheduling/Babywise way and moms who have loved attachment parenting.

I think when you have your first kid and you finally figure out what works for you, you're so excited and want to share it and assume that it will also work wonders for everyone else's baby too.

But that's the problem - nothing works for every baby. I had several moms just tell me to do Babywise - it was the secret. I tried and tried and constantly felt like a failure. But it wasn't because I was doing something wrong, it was because that didn't work for us.

Anyway I would be a complete hypocrite here if I said one way was better than the other. My whole point is that it's not. They are all fine, it's just all about what works for you and your baby.

So don't let others (or Internet articles) make you feel bad for the way you've chosen, and when it's your turn to give advice, don't do the same to others.

4. It gets better.

I remember the first two weeks and waking up every 3 hours to nurse her and feeling such despair because I thought it was always going to be like this. I will always be this exhausted. Then that stage ended.

Then she refused to nap (as well documented in other posts) and I thought it would never change. Then it did.

Then she was teething and constantly fussy and wanting my attention and waking up at all hours of the night. I didn't think I could make it through, then it was over.

When you're in each stage, it feels all-consuming and like it will always be this way. But remember the old saying - "this too shall pass."

5. Don't get caught up in the competition. 

Some moms are just competitive and it carries over into child rearing. They think their kid is the next Einstein or Michael Jordan because he hit (insert whatever milestone here) early. Also many parents find their identity and worth in how well their kid performs.

Avery has hit all of her milestones late. Not so late that it was out of the "normal" range, but on the late end of that range. At first I worried and felt like I had to compete with other moms, but not only is that bad for me - it's bad for Avery.

She is who she is and I NEVER want to make her feel "less than" because she's not doing what all the other kids are doing. I want her to be confident in who she is and not feel that her worth is found in how she measures up to others. (Eventually I want her to understand that her worth is found in who she is in Christ, but we'll get there.)

I hope they don't mind me sharing this story, but a friend of mine's brother was going to be tested for mental retardation at 2 years old because he hadn't talked yet. Long story short, nothing was wrong with him and he is currently in grad school at an Ivy League University.

I don't believe on any of my college entrance exams or in any job interview anyone ever asked me at what age I walked, learned my ABC's, learned to count to 10 etc. ... Because it doesn't matter.

I know the competition thing will only get worse as she gets older and is in school and sports, but I hope to constantly remind myself to not get caught up in it.

Well I feel like I've written a novel, yet only have 5 things listed. I'm sure I could go on but this post is long enough as is. If I think of anymore to add, I'll write a new post. Hopefully this will encourage someone.

Avery's 1st Birthday

Wow so this post is super late. We had some technical difficulties with the camera/pictures. I was waiting on those to get resolved, but not sure how long that will take, so I'm just going to post them. The camera was on the wrong setting (my fault) so the pictures aren't that great. Rustin and Casey took a lot with the "big" camera, but they are in some sort of format that we can't download without some other software program. At least you'll get the general idea.

At first I compared myself to the other one-year-old birthday parties I've been to or seen on Facebook that reminded me of that show "My Super Sweet Sixteen" because they were so over the top. Part of me feels like I need to keep up, but I really try to keep that part of me in check. Keeping up with everyone in Dallas is as futile as keeping up with the Kardashians!

I wanted something low-key with just family and close friends. And I didn't see the point of having entertainment like a bounce house, pony rides, clowns, etc. For one, Avery is too small to enjoy most of it, or it would have scared the crap out of her. Also, most of my friends are still single, so there wasn't even going to be that many other kids there.

I decided to go with an "owl" theme. Partly because I still think it's cute, but also because I wanted to use decorations from her nursery. Here are a few pictures of the decorations -

I got this banner at Hobby Lobby. They actually had a lot of cute 1st birthday stuff there.

I hung all of her monthly pictures above her high chair. 

My wonderful and talented friend, Sherrie, made the cupcakes and Avery's smash cake. I got the owl cupcake idea off Pinterest and she did the rest!

So Avery was not happy at all for most of her birthday because little did I know, I was poisoning her with whole milk (see previous post for more information on that).

Yeah this pretty much sums it up haha... There was no way I was taking the paci out.

A lot of great family and friends came to wish her a happy birthday -  

So all the pictures of her eating her smash cake are on the other camera. But I think this one is before we had it ready. I tried to tide her over with some crunchies (which she loves). Then distracted her with the smash cake so she'd stop taking her birthday hat off!

For most of the party Avery wore the super cute dress my Aunt Holly got for her. But then she changed to her casual, after-cake onesie. It even has a 1 on it (thanks Hillary).

My parents got her this princess car and she loves it. I think she wasn't too sure about Aunt Andrea touching it. Or maybe she was interested in her wine...

Playing with Myra, Neeraj and Kavli's little girl. 

All her "loot." Thanks again to everyone for making her first birthday special!!

Weaning

So Avery turned a year, and everything you read says they need to be off the bottle at about a year. I always get stressed out when things change. I guess I like things to stay the way they are because I start to feel like I kind of have it figured out. When it changes, I'm back to being a rookie.

After all, I had been feeding her a bottle since she was born. I couldn't really imagine not giving her one. Would she starve??

I was going to try to wean her after her birthday party (I know I know I'm late on that post. It's coming soon! I'm waiting for Rustin to upload the pictures he took from his camera.) but she was so unhappy that I didn't want put her through any major changes.

Well since she's been drinking the rice milk and doing much better, I decided to try. She drinks water out of sippys with a hard spout, but wouldn't drink milk out of them, so I bought another kind - Nuby - with a soft spout and she LOVES them! The other day she was in her high chair and saw me get one out of the dishwasher and she started fussing because she wanted it.

I used to give her a bottle when she wakes up in the morning, before naps, and before bed. So I have kept giving her the sippy at those times. I really thought she would put up a fight, but she has been fine. I haven't given her a bottle in 3 days now.

The next thing I am trying to wean her from is her paci. She loves her paci! And it's not that I necessarily mind her having one for a little longer, the problem is the only paci she will take is the Wubbanub (the one with the animal attached) and it's only for babies up to 6 months. I haven't been too worried since she had no teeth, but now that she's getting teeth, I don't want to mess them up! I bought orthodontic pacis in the same brand as her others and she just spits them out.

So I decided to only give her the paci in her room. She usually crawls around with it in her mouth while playing, so I wasn't sure how this would go, but she did fine. We even went to the grocery store without it (I kept it in my purse in case of emergency) and she did great.

The next step is weaning her off of it at night. I have a feeling that will not be easy. She has been waking up at night the last few days (something she hasn't done in 8 months). I am guessing because of teething, so I don't want to take it away while she's going through that.

Anyway I just wanted to write about what I ended up doing with her since I asked many of my friends what they did. I feel like it always helps to hear other stories of what worked and what didn't.

I'll close with a recent picture. She looked so cute for church on Sunday, we just had to take some pictures! Dena got her that cute dress for her birthday. Since it's just us 3, Rustin and I had to take turns being photographer.

Avery 12 Months (1 Year!!)

I can't believe she turned a year old! This may sound silly but I felt a sense of accomplishment - I mean I raised her a whole year and she's still alive and so am I!

I took a few pictures of her on her birthday. Of course, I had to finish up our monthly pictures with her 12 month sticker.

I also wanted to take a picture of her in her birthday dress from my Aunt Holly.

I ran out of formula about a week before she turned one. I know you're not supposed to start cow's milk until a year, but I figured 5 days didn't matter that much. And I didn't want to get a whole new can of formula. 

She seemed to like it but about 3 days later, she started acting incredibly fussy. I felt like it was a flashback to her first few months of life. She was constantly crying. I couldn't do anything because she was only happy if I was walking around holding her. Her naps went back down to 45 minutes and she was waking up at 5:30am. I really thought I was about to go insane. Sorry TMI but she also had diarrhea for several days. It was so bad that there were several times when there was nothing I could do to get her to stop crying so I ended up crying with her.

My mom said all of those things could be symptoms of teething - and she was getting her first tooth in on the bottom so that made sense. But I was still worried because she was so incredibly unhappy. Even for her birthday she was so upset. There were moments she was ok, and I think all the people being at the house helped distract her. But I'll do a separate post about her birthday.

So anyway she had her 1 year check up at the doctor scheduled for Monday. If she hadn't I was going to call them anyway because I was so worried about her. 

I was really wondering if the milk was the culprit and not teething. I had her on Similac Alimentum formula because I felt like she was very fussy on soy or anything milk based. I thought maybe I was being too cautious since I never knew for sure if she had a milk allergy, so that's why I decided to just go for whole milk.  

Anyway at the check up, the doctor said she looked great. He said those symptoms could be teething, but if it was, it was some bad teething! I asked him if starting her on the milk might have done something and he told me the only way to find out was just to try something different. He said I could try soy or rice milk, but since I had tried soy formula before and it didn't seem to make it better, I thought I would try rice milk.

Hallelujah! I feel like I finally have the baby back that I know and love. She is smiling again and crawling around and playing - none of which she had done in a week. And she is sleeping normally again (which means mommy is sleeping!!).

The doctor said that if she has a milk allergy (which apparently she does), most babies grow out of it. I hope she does because if she's like her mom and grandpa, she's going to like drinking milk!

She now weighs 19 lbs. 6 oz. and is 30 1/4" long. He said she's in the 30th percentile for weight, but 80th for height. So as expected since she was born, she'll probably be tall. Not sure where she gets it.

Her favorite thing to do is run errands with her mommy - especially the grocery store. She loves seeing all the people and making noises at them. The other day we kept passing this older man in the aisles several times and she would smile and squeal at him each time. When she gets fussy in the store, I give her a wagon wheel and she laughs and looks around like she wants everyone to see what she just got and is very proud of herself.
I'm trying to get her used to other people taking care of her. I have been going to a women's Bible study at my church on Tuesday mornings and taking her to the nursery. It's still a little hard for her. I guess she's like me - I didn't like my mom leaving me either. But hopefully she gets better.

I'll close with a few pictures of her this month.

This is her at BJ's Pizza celebrating Uncle Casey's birthday -

And this is her with her first birthday present (I gave it to her a little early. I couldn't wait!) from her mom and dad. I think she liked it.

I am so thankful for the gift of being her mommy a whole year and look forward to many more with that sweet girl!