What I'll Do Different Next Time

I am a planner, perfectionist, Type A... you name it, and when it came to pregnancy/baby that was no different.

When I got pregnant, I read What to Expect When You're Expecting. I followed all the rules about what to eat/ not eat, etc. I wanted to do everything exactly right. So after I had the pregnancy thing nailed (yeah right), I thought I should start studying up on what to do with this little baby once it was actually here.

I figured this would be a somewhat easy task. I mean people have been having babies for millennia, and we live in an age where information is so readily available and medicine is quite advanced. So I assumed people had this whole "raising a baby" thing figured out by now and all I had to do was read a few books and I'd be set.

I started out with recommendations from friends. The first book I read was Happiest Baby on the Block.  I really liked it and what he said made sense. Of course it was focusing mostly on the first four months, so I moved on to another recommendation - Babywise. Much to my shock and confusion, not only did it have a different overall philosophy, but some of its points were completely opposite!

This wasn't how I wanted this to go. I wanted a black and white plan to raising a baby. That way I could easily tell if I was doing it right. But then as I read more material, my eyes were opened to the fact that there are two totally opposite camps on baby rearing who both have professionals, doctors and many moms in their corner. So who was I to believe??

Well this just threw everything off, and I went through several months of constantly feeling like I was failing because at least one of the philosophies was telling me I was doing it wrong. (If I nursed my baby whenever she wanted to, that was wrong because I was spoiling her. If I put her on a schedule for feeding that was wrong because I was starving her, etc. etc.)

I went through a long period of constant anxiety, frustration and feelings of failure. So looking back I wanted to write down things I want to do differently the second time. Obviously I haven't figured it all out and although we don't plan to have three kids, if we did, I'm sure I could also write about what I would do different the third time. (I feel like I should note here- I am NOT pregnant.)

1. Listen To Your Gut!
I hate starting new jobs. I hate feeling overwhelmed and like I don't know anything and the uncertainty of exactly what is expected of me. But that's how I felt when I got the job of "mom." I felt like everyone had to know more than me because they were either doctors who had studied it for years or moms who already had kids and lived through it.

But "back in the day" they didn't have books or articles or in some cases even doctors. So how did moms and babies survive then? I believe God put in each mom an instinct for caring for her baby that can't be replaced by anyone else.

I did not like my first pediatrician at all, but since I'd never had one before I kept going to her because I thought maybe that's how it's supposed to be. I knew something was wrong with Avery. She cried all.the.time. I mentioned this to the doctor and she would tell me that it was normal, she'd grow out of it, etc.

Well at 6 months, when I took Avery to a new pediatrician, she was finally diagnosed with reflux and given meds, and then at a year it was confirmed she is in fact lactose intolerant.

When I was nursing, the doctors told me I probably didn't need to give up milk. And I thought maybe I was going crazy and just thinking she was more fussy after I ate dairy. Next time I'm just buying some soy milk even if there's no reason for it and going from there. I don't mind the taste and I'm not going through that again.

They also made me feel crazy for putting her on a hypoallergenic formula (alimentum) which was $30 for a small can (ugh). But now I know she needed it.

Next time if I suspect reflux, I am demanding meds. I believe if I would have done that from the beginning, she wouldn't have stopped nursing and the first six months of her life wouldn't have been the hardest six months of mine.

Which leads me to #2

2. If you feel like your pediatrician isn't listening to you - switch...NOW! Don't let them make you think you don't know anything. You're the mom. I'm so happy I finally switched, just wish I had done it sooner.

3. Choose your schedule (or no schedule) and don't let anyone else make you feel bad for your choice.

I think/hope that moms don't intentionally set out to make other moms feel bad for not following their "way." I think that certain things just work really well for certain moms. I know moms who have loved the scheduling/Babywise way and moms who have loved attachment parenting.

I think when you have your first kid and you finally figure out what works for you, you're so excited and want to share it and assume that it will also work wonders for everyone else's baby too.

But that's the problem - nothing works for every baby. I had several moms just tell me to do Babywise - it was the secret. I tried and tried and constantly felt like a failure. But it wasn't because I was doing something wrong, it was because that didn't work for us.

Anyway I would be a complete hypocrite here if I said one way was better than the other. My whole point is that it's not. They are all fine, it's just all about what works for you and your baby.

So don't let others (or Internet articles) make you feel bad for the way you've chosen, and when it's your turn to give advice, don't do the same to others.

4. It gets better.

I remember the first two weeks and waking up every 3 hours to nurse her and feeling such despair because I thought it was always going to be like this. I will always be this exhausted. Then that stage ended.

Then she refused to nap (as well documented in other posts) and I thought it would never change. Then it did.

Then she was teething and constantly fussy and wanting my attention and waking up at all hours of the night. I didn't think I could make it through, then it was over.

When you're in each stage, it feels all-consuming and like it will always be this way. But remember the old saying - "this too shall pass."

5. Don't get caught up in the competition. 

Some moms are just competitive and it carries over into child rearing. They think their kid is the next Einstein or Michael Jordan because he hit (insert whatever milestone here) early. Also many parents find their identity and worth in how well their kid performs.

Avery has hit all of her milestones late. Not so late that it was out of the "normal" range, but on the late end of that range. At first I worried and felt like I had to compete with other moms, but not only is that bad for me - it's bad for Avery.

She is who she is and I NEVER want to make her feel "less than" because she's not doing what all the other kids are doing. I want her to be confident in who she is and not feel that her worth is found in how she measures up to others. (Eventually I want her to understand that her worth is found in who she is in Christ, but we'll get there.)

I hope they don't mind me sharing this story, but a friend of mine's brother was going to be tested for mental retardation at 2 years old because he hadn't talked yet. Long story short, nothing was wrong with him and he is currently in grad school at an Ivy League University.

I don't believe on any of my college entrance exams or in any job interview anyone ever asked me at what age I walked, learned my ABC's, learned to count to 10 etc. ... Because it doesn't matter.

I know the competition thing will only get worse as she gets older and is in school and sports, but I hope to constantly remind myself to not get caught up in it.

Well I feel like I've written a novel, yet only have 5 things listed. I'm sure I could go on but this post is long enough as is. If I think of anymore to add, I'll write a new post. Hopefully this will encourage someone.

Avery 11 Months

That's right - Avery is one month shy of a year!

Her little personality is coming out more and more. She is quite the little ham. She definitely gets that from her dad. My mom, grandma and I took her to eat at The Cheesecake Factory a few weeks ago and she had a blast! I don't think she stopped eating from the moment she sat down. They gave her a "baby plate," which was bananas and bread, and she devoured that. I also fed her the food I brought for her as well as bites from our plates. She might have also had her first bite of cheesecake (don't tell her dad!). There was a station behind our booth where the waitstaff would put in their orders, and she loved showing off for all of them.

Then I had to take her to the doctor the other day. She has red bumps on her face we can't seem to get rid of. Come to find out she has perioral dermatitis...? Anyway while we were in the waiting room and there were people around, she was as happy as could be squealing and looking at them. But when we went to the exam room where it was just me and her, she got fussy. But then the nurse came and she was happy again and showing off.

She refuses to let me feed her anything. Last time I tried to give her something with the spoon she cried like I was hurting her. But the problem is she doesn't like dices of fruit or vegetables, so I had to get creative. I have to either smear baby food on bread or mix it with Cheerios and let her feed herself. It is so messy, but she loves it. I guess that's for the best since she still has zero teeth. This is her favorite way to sit...

I took the following video of her eating lunch, and I was tickling her feet. At the beginning you can see her trying to give me some of her pasta. That's her new thing - offering people her food, paci and bottle. She even tried to give Baloo her paci.  

She has also learned how to do several things this month. She knows how to wave bye bye now. Her Lolly (Rustin's mom) got her a recorder and she loves playing that. Rustin decided he wanted his drum that he got in Morocco on display, and she's learned how to play that too. Another one of her favorites is her sippy cup. She takes drinks as if she's dying of thirst then breathes really hard when she's finished. I've tried giving her juice, but she only likes water. But that works for me!

I'm surprised no one called CPS on me because for weeks she had Howard Hughes fingernails. I tried every trick in the book and she would not let me cut them. I tried distracting her with TV, teaming with Rustin to cut them, even sneaking in while she was sleeping. Nothing worked. But I finally figured it out - do it when she's in her high chair. She doesn't even notice.

I wish I had done this other months but I thought I would write down our little routine (times are approximate):

6:30 - wake up
7:00 - go for a 30 minute walk/jog (this is the only time of day it's cool enough)
8:00 - breakfast
9:00 - nap
11:30 - lunch
1:00 nap
3:00 - snack time
The time between when she wakes up from her afternoon nap and when we start bedtime is the longest and also the time when she's most prone to being fussy, so that's when we usually run errands. It seems there's always somewhere I need to go, and she is happy as long as we're moving.
5:30 - dinner followed by bath then bottle, books, and bed. I usually end up getting her down around 7pm and she rolls around and plays in her crib for a while before going to sleep.

Wichita Falls Trip

Last week Avery and I made a trip to Wichita Falls - my hometown and "God's country" according to my dad.

We go back there about every 6 weeks. Why 6 weeks? Because, yes, I still get my hair done there. I go to the same lady who has done it since early college. Every time I've gotten it done in Dallas, I've paid double and ended up with super short orange hair. But that's not the whole reason. I can't stay away from my family very long, so it also gives me a good excuse to visit. And they like seeing me... or Avery. 

The drive was a little more treacherous than normal. As I left Allen, I noticed my gas tank was about half full. I should have stopped but I thought a half a tank could get me there. More on that later.

I don't go the way most people go from Dallas to WF. Since we are so far north, it is about the same distance for me to go up to Sherman and take 82. There is less traffic and more places for me to pull over with Avery if I need to. Overall I just feel like it's a safer route. I also love feeling like I'm in the country. And I love driving through Nocona. My best friend in high school, Sandy, lived there for a while and I think I spent every weekend of my sophomore year there.

Anyway my gas tank started to dip quicker than expected but it started POURING rain. Who wants to pump gas in the rain?? Plus Avery was asleep and if there's one rule we live by at my house it is NEVER wake the baby!

The rain stopped around Saint Jo (if you recognize any of the towns I have named so far, you are a true Texan), but I guess I zoned out on memories in Nocona because getting gas was the last thing on my mind. Then my gas light came on. If you're familiar with this route, you know there is NOTHING for miles. Yes, there's Ringgold, but there's no gas stations there. 

I've always judged people who ran out of gas. I always wondered how dumb you had to be. I mean do you not see your tank gauge or gas light? I also knew that if I did run out of gas, the person I would be forced to call would be my dad. He thinks his tank is low if it is below 3/4 of a tank. I knew that phone call would not be pretty.

Avery was sound asleep in the backseat as I felt my car start to sputter (is that the right word??). I felt like it was my "Jesus Take the Wheel" moment. I've never had a panic attack but I am certain I did right then. I was sure we were running out of gas. I started breathing really fast and my heart was beating out of my chest. I kept praying for God to get me to Henrietta.

We made it to Henrietta.

I feel like I just wrote a lot of build up for nothing. Anyway lesson learned. I will fill up before leaving town from now on. I didn't even tell my dad when I got to town. I didn't want the lecture, but I'm pretty sure my phone will be ringing any second now...

So while in WF Avery got to see Uncle Colby's new apartment. It's really nice and looks out over Lake Wellington.

She also made her first trip to one of my all-time favorite restaurants - Samurai of Tokyo. We figured the guy making the food would keep her entertained. Well instead he scared her and she started crying at the top of her lungs. Here are a few pictures. My mom's going to kill me for the first one.

We also ate at Jason's Deli. They just got one there and they think it's super awesome. I had my fill of Jason's Deli when I worked at IBM. Angie and I went there every day for lunch. So much so our coworkers asked us if we owned stock. But anyway I think my parents wanted to get the all you can eat ice cream. My PE teacher from elementary school was working the door.

Avery is still obsessed with Willie, and now that she can crawl, he's in trouble.

We had a great time and can't wait to go back... in a few weeks...

Avery 10 Months

Wow! I can't believe she's 10 months! I always felt like her turning a year old was an eternity away, but now that she's 10 months, it hit me that it's only 2 months away!! And I also realized that I have done zero to prepare for her first birthday. Luckily I'm planning on doing something low-key. Around Dallas it seems people go all out and stop just short of having Katy Perry as the live entertainment. Not here. It will be something simple with just family and close friends.

Here are pictures from her monthly photo shoot -

This month has been pretty crazy. I didn't want to admit this in her 9 month post, but things were pretty easy back then. She couldn't crawl and had grown out of her colic (or whatever she had) so life was a breeze. I could put her on her quilt and she would quietly play with her toys (not going anywhere) while I washed dishes or made bottles or whatever.

...Then she started crawling. I guess that was her "present" to me, because the first time she crawled was on my birthday. She has not slowed down since, and my life has drastically changed. I've heard this forever, but now I know the meaning of "you have to watch her every second." I turn my head to look at something and turn it back and she's somehow doing something she's not supposed to.

Case in point - our dog has this annoying habit where he drops a couple pieces of food on the carpet. Anyway I saw the piece of food earlier and meant to pick it up but didn't. Well I put Avery on the floor and went to get her bottle. When I came back, she was in the spot where the food was. She was chewing something with a strange look on her face. Yeah. Gross.

I am OCD clean and I have been going insane since she started crawling. It doesn't help that we have a horse-size dog that I swear loses half his body weight in hair in the summer. The vacuum and I have had daily meetings.

She has had a lot of "firsts" this month. Of course crawling -

Her favorite place to crawl is all the way to the end of the hall where her daddy is working in the office. It's quite the hike for such a little girl, but she loves visiting him!

If you're interested, I posted a couple of crawling videos on her YouTube channel. There's nothing in them that's going to make them go viral or anything, but I thought it would be fun for out-of-town family to get to see her crawl. Here is the link: http://www.youtube.com/samrandrews

Then Rustin's grandma, Joy, came for a visit. This is the first time she has met any of her great-grandparents on Rustin's side.

And she celebrated her first 4th of July!

Let's see - she weighs about 18 pounds. She still is not a huge fan of solids, but we keep trying. She likes finger foods better than me feeding her anything.

She FINALLY (at 9.5 months) started taking longer naps. The Healthy Sleep Habits book said they should start napping "by the clock" with two naps at around 9am and 1pm that last at least an hour at about 5 months. Ha! I guess she's just a late bloomer, but it did eventually happen.

And no she still does not have any signs of teeth!

I seriously love her so much. I wonder what I did with my life before she came along!

Father's Day Weekend

We had an action packed weekend! Avery was invited to a little girl's first birthday on Saturday. She is Neeraj, Rustin's former co-worker's, daughter. Rustin is learning to use his new camera so he took a few action shots -

Then for Father's Day we went to church and Avery went to the nursery for the second time. They said she did ok but I could tell she'd been crying when we went to get her. I think she was hungry but she has a hard time eating in those situations because she's too distracted by everything.

After church we went to Rustin's parents' house for lunch (another action shot) -

After lunch we went swimming! It was Avery's first time in the pool. I assumed she would like it since she loves her baths so much and I wasn't wrong. Rustin's parents got her a nice float with a shaded top. We put a few toys in there with her (we joked they looked like her cell phone and a wine glass - after her mom's own heart!)  and she was happy as she could be!

Then she had another "first" this week - library time! I've been wanting to take her to Baby and Me story time and just hadn't had a chance. Well my mom was here this week so we took her and met my friend, Natalie, and her baby who is about the same age as Avery. It was so funny to see them interact. Sophia kept crawling towards Avery and Avery would squeal and laugh at her. They both had their hands out touching each other at one point, but of course I couldn't catch a picture of it. This is the best I could do -

Avery 9 Months

Avery turned 9 months on June 7. She had her check up with the doctor on the 11th and she weighed 17 pounds, 13.5oz and was 27.25 inches long.

Here are pictures from her 9 month photo shoot. It's getting harder and harder to take these because she is now aware of her bow and sticker and tries to pull them both off. I know it will only get more difficult once she becomes mobile!

She has started making this face that seems like she's thinking "what are you doing??" -

Here is what has been going on...

Bottles: She drinks four 6oz bottles a day, but she drinks them in little bits. This used to stress me out because I read books that warned against "snacking" but that is just how she eats. Even when she wakes up from sleeping 11 hours at night she only eats 3oz. The doctor told me that was good for her though because of her reflux. Both Rustin and I like to eat little bits throughout the day rather than large meals, so she may just take after us!

Solids: She has a love/hate relationship with solids. Sometimes she gets super happy while eating and eats a ton, other days (most days) I can barely get her to eat anything and she fusses the whole time. But she does love her puffs! And to her Daddy's dismay, I gave her a taste of the pineapple sherbet I was eating and she loved it! She kept opening her mouth and fussing for me to give her more.

Milestones: Nope - still no teeth and she's not crawling either. I would worry, but I've finally realized that babies are so different and do everything at a different pace. I feel like she's a few months behind when they say she "should" do things, so I'm sure crawling is no different. She gets up on her hands and knees and wiggles back and forth so it's just a matter of time. But she has learned how to sit up by herself in her crib.

Nicknames: A-Shae and LP. Her dad made both of them up. LP stands for Little Princess. I thought that was cute :)

Sleep: Her naps are still short. She just loves the 45 minute nap. Every now and then she sleeps longer. Most babies her age are down to two naps, but she still takes three naps - I guess because they're so short. Sometimes she doesn't want to take her third one even though she's really tired. I used to take her walking during that time, but now it's too hot so we run errands or just go driving and she always passes out in the car.
She's been sleeping through the night for several months now. She usually goes to bed at 7pm and wakes up at 6:30am. I love our time before I put her down to sleep. I call it our "cuddle time." I hold her facing me and she talks to me and plays with my hair, nose, shirt or anything else she can grab.

Her favorite toy by far is her paci. We have the wubbanub kind with an animal attached to it. Sometimes when I look at her at night, she's not sucking on the paci but just holding and rubbing the animal part.

She loves animals, especially my parents' cat Willie. Whenever she sees him she squeals really loud. If he walks by, she tries to grab him. She likes our dog, Baloo, too but only sometimes. She will see him all day and not pay attention, but then she'll randomly get really excited about him. Here are some pics of her and her furry friends -

When she gets a toy in her hands, she gets excited and moves her arms up and down. She also has been making a funny noise like she's trying to whistle. She really likes it if you try to make the noise too.

I'll close with a few more pictures of her -

Confessions Part 1

Sometimes I feel like every other mom but me has it all together. It seems they have perfect babies who never cry and sleep all the time. What has been my saving grace is my ONE friend who had a baby as difficult as Avery. Hearing her stories make me think that maybe I'm not such a bad parent.

Anyway I thought I would write this post in case there's any other not-so-perfect moms out there in hopes it might make them feel better. So here goes...

- Avery cries. Not too long ago a friend said to me that she can't remember the last time her baby cried. Avery cries several times a day. Not for long periods anymore (the first few months it was non stop), but it happens. I don't think a day has passed since she came home from the hospital that she hasn't cried.

- For the first 5 months of her life I had to bounce her on an exercise ball until she fell asleep, then put her (swaddled) into her swing which was already turned on full blast. Usually she would wake up and the process would need to be repeated several times. If she didn't sleep in her swing, she slept next to me. And no, it did not create a bad habit. Now she sleeps unswaddled in her crib every night and for every nap just fine.

 - Her naps are usually only 45 minutes. This used to drive me insane. I read every book and Internet article I could get my hands on. I tried everything they suggested. Nothing worked. To go along with that - she is not on a perfect schedule. I tried it. I'm not anti-Babywise, it just didn't work for us. Avery just does not have the temperament to be on an exact schedule. I started enjoying life a lot more when I stopped obsessing about it. 

- I was a hermit until the last few months because she cried at the top of her lungs any time I took her somewhere. I just got the guts to take her to the church nursery last weekend...at 8 months old. People who don't have difficult babies probably thought I was anal. But I just knew that she would cry and wouldn't stop until I got her home and put her down to sleep.

- I'm not a health nut. Yes,  I try to eat healthy but my diet consists of more than just organic fruits and vegetables. Growing up I remember eating "sugary" cereals like Cinnamon Toast Crunch and Fruit Loops and loving them. We didn't go out to eat or eat fast food much - my mom mostly cooked- but to this day she still cooks veggies with grease. But neither my brother nor I have been obese or had health problems. I like to eat donuts on Saturday mornings every now and then and nothing tastes better on a hot day than an ice cold Coke. Having Avery has made me want to eat healthier and of course I'm not feeding her McDonald's or anything, but will she at some point eat a Happy Meal? More than likely. Will we go out occasionally on Saturday mornings for donuts? Absolutely.
If God chooses to let me live a long life but I go at 87 instead of 88 because of my meal choices, so be it. Enjoying my food was worth it.

- I feed her formula. I talked in a previous post about why she stopped nursing so I won't go into it. But I feel like that's the #1 thing moms judge other moms on.

- I failed at making my own baby food. All my friends talked about how easy it was, but it was stressing me out. Also (this may sound weird if you don't know me) but I have this disease where my esophagus is really small and I choke easily, and I think Avery has the same disease. I couldn't get the food pureed enough and she started choking. I also don't buy the most expensive organic baby food. It's all Gerber in this house.

- She has a pacifier. She probably will for a while.

- I hold her when she wants to be held. Some of the books say it creates a bad habit. All I know is that there will come a day when she won't want me to hold her anymore. She's only little for such a short time. I already miss when she would take naps with me.

- I watch TV. I don't sit in front of it all day (who has time?) but I have it on while I'm playing with Avery. I guess since we're home by ourselves, the noise makes me feel connected to the rest of the world. I haven't let her watch TV - as in shows for her like Baby Einstein. I'm trying not to until 2 years (not sure that will happen) but after that, yes she will watch some TV. When I was little, I had all Disney movies memorized. I don't have ADD and I know how to interact with others.

- If we're in a public place and she's not happy - anything goes. She can chew on whatever I can find in my purse if the toys aren't fun anymore. I have also been known to feed her tons of puffs. But one serving is like 80 pieces so that's ok right??

- I am usually wearing no makeup, workout clothes, and hair in a ponytail. I don't have the energy to get dressed up to just be at home or go to the grocery store. Showers usually happen at the end of the day when she goes to bed.

- I nap when Avery naps. I know I should be cleaning or doing laundry or some Pinterest project. I don't. I sleep. 

That's all I can think of for now. I'm not sure there will be other confessions but just in case, I wanted to leave it open. Hopefully this encouraged another "not-so-perfect" mom out there.

Avery 8 Months

Avery turned 8 months old on May 7. It's amazing how much  bigger she is getting every day. I call her a wild woman all the time. She is so squirmy and grabs everything. I have to tell myself "you are stronger than a baby" especially when trying to change her diaper.

Her favorite is still bath time. She loves slapping the water. If you're bathing her, you better plan on getting wet. She also loves running errands and riding in the jogging stroller. She basically is happy any time she is moving.

Uncle Colby came for a visit last weekend. She went with us to Chick-Fil-A, the Allen Outlets and Top Golf. Then her Nana (my mom) came to see her this week. 

We tried to take her 8 month pictures on the 7th but she refused to smile. This was all we got:

So we tried the next day and she was a little happier...

I have finally gotten brave enough to take her out of the carseat and sit her in high chairs and shopping carts. This is her sporting her new sunglasses.

And one in the high chair...

She has also likes sticking her legs (or one leg) up in the air -

She is also "talking" a lot. We have no idea what she's saying but it sure is cute!